Serenity begins with the choice to be mindful. This is about paying attention to where my awareness is lodged at this present moment. Being aware of where my thoughts and emotions go, in touch with my never-ending stream of inner dialogue, able to observe and recognize what I am thinking about.
I’m done with the first half of my lifetime. I am in my late 40’s. I am now living the remaining half of my journey. It is bound to end. There is a finish line, an expiry date, that one big RED LIGHT called death. While I still have today – existing, aware, connected – I want to live the best life that I can have. Meaningful, serene, happy – in all its reality.
Waiting for the result of my medical tests reminded me of this one great truth: Life is beautiful no matter what we have and rather not have right now.
The idea of my possibly having a terminal illness, after recently seeing someone who died of CA barely recognizable in her coffin, shuts down everything for me. All I could think of is the beauty of being ALIVE every single day.
In the face of an imminent death an automatic shift inside us happens. We label a lot of things around us as petty. Immediately I told myself that I should have written a book, say whatever I want to say. It will be my one and only chance. I’ll die anyway.
Everything pales with the thought that I might have cancer. There is great fear but I was also enveloped with an immense appreciation of being alive. It was an experience of connectedness with the truth that I am gifted with life.
It was a concrete appreciation of who I am and all that I call my own life. I had all kinds of scenarios about leaving my loved ones. It amazed me that more than regrets I have a deep realization of being blessed, with this good life that I have. I am not saying I am now ready to die. It’s more about I have grown in seeing life’s beauty and countless gifts.
I am still basking in gratitude upon receiving a “no need for a biopsy” result. I hope I will not forget the lessons learned these past days, the beauty of this PRECIOUS MOMENT, present to WHAT IS.
This One Life 
Life is not beautiful we have to live it that way